New York City

Two months ago I moved to New York City to pursue a singing career.  It has actually been a surprisingly smooth transition from my home of 22 years, Lincoln, Nebraska.  God never ceases to show me his love and faithfulness as He has provided new friendships and opportunities here in the city.  

Things I like about New York:

1. The diversity of people.  This was the first thing I loved about NYC.  When I first got on the subway all I could do was observe the people, which was a pretty big indicator that I was new to the city, as everyone else stares down into their phone, book, or lap.  There are people of all different nationalities, and languages.  It's so cool to hear about peoples lives, where they are from, why they came to NYC, how long they've been here etc...  NYC is the place to be to pursue so many different dreams.

2. How easy it is to network. Networking is what the music business is really all about.  It is ridiculously helpful to have a sister in the MET opera chorus.  She has been able to talk to her friends, who know so-and-so and the chain goes on.  In my first week of being in NYC, Eric, a friend from the Black Hills Playhouse this summer, invited me to audition for a an agent that invited me to be a part of this musical demo recording.  I auditioned for a man involved with lots of church work.  I gave my resume to a guy that has connections with being an extra for tv shows and movies... (how awesome would that be?!).  Through my sister's friend I found an incredible voice teacher, Claudia, that I LOVE! She has been able to connect me to some different opera companies in the city. I'm auditioning for the MET Opera chorus in a couple of weeks. Cool things are happening! 

3. Redeemer.  I started attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church right when I arrived in the city.  I heard about it, because the well-known Christian author and pastor, Timothy Keller, is the head pastor.  He is such an amazing speaker! I could listen to his sermons all day.  God has blessed him with such knowledge and wisdom and the means to communicate the gospel so clearly.  Through Redeemer I got connected with a recent grads girls' bible study, and I love these girls SO much! They are so welcoming and supportive and it's nice that we are all in the same stage of our lives.  Around the same time I joined another small group that has more of a mixture of ages, and I love them too! I can't wait to continue to grow more with these communities. 

I also auditioned for the leaders of worship at Redeemer and they were so kind! They said they wanted to help me get involved musically any way I could and said they would like to start using me in ensembles and perhaps solo stuff starting in January.  I'm excited to get to use my gifts to serve the church.  God is SO good.  

4. Being with my sister.  Andrea is the. best. sister. ever. Seriously, I can't ever thank her enough for all that she has done for me in this move to New York. She is the biggest role model in selflessness and servanthood and I have learned so much from her. I love her to death and can't imagine being here without her, and I probably wouldn't have even moved here if it wasn't for her. It has been an adjustment for both of us, but it's awesome to get to have this time together.

Things that aren't so great about New York:

1. Transportation.  It takes So much. time. to get anywhere.  I miss the good old days when I could drive my car and be anywhere in 15 minutes.  Not only that, but I could stay out as late as I wanted because I didn't have to walk home late at night...UUUUGGGHHHHH.  There is no way around this, because I wouldn't want to drive my car here, that certainly wouldn't help any of the frustration.  Although I have driven my sister's car in the city, and I am a pretty great driver, if I do say so myself...It's the other drivers I'm worried about...haha.  

The one good thing about transporting by train is that because there is no cell service underground, I have been forced to read. And I've read some awesome books that I would like to talk about in future blog posts...we will see if that happens. 

In Christ Alone by Sinclair B. Ferguson, 

Grace Abounds to the Chief of Sinners by John Bunyan, 

The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer, and 

Lord, Teach Us to Pray by Rev. Andrew Murray.  

My favorites are In Christ Alone and The Pursuit of God.

2. Crowded.  There are so. many. people.  Like woah.  Some places are definitely more packed than others, like Time Square, but it's not easy to find a place to yourself.  It's fascinating to live in a place where everyone lives in an apartment.  Living in an apartment is an adjustment.  I can only practice at certain hours, I'm usually woken up by the toddler running back and forth in the apartment above us, and I just simply miss the luxury of space.   

3. Expensive. NYC is a very difficult place to live when you don't have a steady income.  Lots of people have to work multiple jobs, or crazy amounts of hours to be able to afford life.  In Lincoln, I ate out a lot of the time, but here, that really isn't an option. I've had to learn how to budget more effectively. No matter how scary finances become, God always provides. He never ceases to amaze me.

4. I Miss my family and friends.  Well this would be true no matter where I moved.  I am blessed beyond belief with the family and friendships I have from Nebraska.  So many relationships I will cherish the rest of my life.  No matter how far away they are, they will be with me in my heart. 

Reflection Over Last Year's Goals

1. Biggest goal I decided is to be more generous. I want to remember people on their birthdays and send cards and such- let people know that I'm thinking of them and how much they mean to me. Also giving more back to God. It is hard since I don't have a steady income to know how much to give in church. Last week Brian gave a wonderful message on giving- that giving is supposed to be a sacrifice, and that God blesses us in order that we may bless others. Not the other way around (giving to others, in order to be blessed by God). I need a lot of prayer in this department, to not be greedy.

CHECKISH - Well I'm still pretty bad about sending birthday cards, but God has really taught me how to be generous with my money.  He helped me realize that everything I own in His.  I didn't earn anything, I don't deserve anything, but He is the one that Has provided for me.  It's not always easy, and I constantly think about the student loans I have to pay off and all my other living expenses.  But God will continue to provide no matter what.  He is who I should rely on, not on money. 

2. Decide what to do with my life....well this probably won't fully happen this year. Actually I know it won't because my life is constantly changing. But I do know I won't be at UNL next and maybe not even in Lincoln, which will be a HUGE change, considering I have lived here my whole life. I'm also praying that I take this change as an adventure and as a good thing, not as a terrifying thing that will suck. Because it will suck to leave all the amazing friends I have made in college and even my friends from high school. Especially the friends I have had for 8 years. But it is something that just happens as life moves on. And I will make new friends, while I continue to stay in close contact with the old.

HALF CHECK - I definitely haven't decided what to do with my life, only that God has made it crystal clear that He created me to sing.  I'm still in Lincoln, and most of my friends are too- so not much really changed except not being in school... but THIS year things will definitely change as I know I will not be in Lincoln next year, or rather I just can't be in Lincoln because of the lack of opera singing opportunities.  I would love to sing for Disney for a couple years, or I might move to New York to look for singing opportunities out there.  But either way, I am excited for my next adventure. I'm ready.

3. Growing deeper in love with God- of course this is a constant goal for my life, but I want to be more involved in church and bible studies and not only grow in my personal faith but grow with others, which is something I think I have been lacking for a while. Also READ MY BIBLE DAILY!! Why is this so hard?

CHECK - God provided an AMAZING community this year!  I joined RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) a Christian group on campus this year (even though I don't go to the University anymore...).  It started with a bible study last spring semester and then a trip to Florida the first week of summer, where I got to know so many wonderful friends! This year I've been a part of the ministry team, make the PowerPoints, sing, go to bible studies, large group, and all 4 of my roommates are also apart of RUF.  So God seriously answered this prayer! In addition to this I also started going to a bible study with 2 of my dear friends Doug and LaShawna.  We are studying a book by Timothy Keller called Generous Justice and I am learning so much much!

4. Get married. just kidding. but seriously. Everyone, li-ter-a-ly everyone else is doing it!

Nope.

But here are my favorite pictures from my friends' weddings:

5. Discover different ways to use the gift of music God has given me. Especially within the church, but also in general. As this has been kind of a struggle with the opera I'm in currently. It is a bit hmmm how do I say this? sexual. And although I love to sing opera music, I don't love being apart of something so graphic. It is very conflicting in my mind - Am I deliberately sinning by singing such material and causing the audience's minds to wander to inappropriate things? Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to perform a lead role in a University opera. But, God, why this opera? My director even said himself, "if there is one opera I'm glad I didn't have to act in, it's this one" Referring to the copious amounts of sexual content.

MEH - Poppea turned out to be a huge blessing- it really wasn't that bad.  Even though there was a headline in the news paper "OPERA DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE" with a picture of my face under it. Haha I just though it was hilarious.  I haven't really discovered different ways to use music for myself, but new opportunities have risen. 

6. Go to Australia and visit my sister, brother-in-law, and two amazing nieces. This doesn't really need an explanation.

CHECK! For a whole month!

 

7. Get paid to do MUSIC!

CHECK! I won 3 competitions, performed and recorded for a musical called "A Life in the City" by my friend Nick Jester, sang with a chamber group called Abendchor and I just got asked to sing as a soloist for a new Requiem piece- super pumped!

 

8. Complain less. This has come to my attention very recently that I complain quite often about really dumb things. And often about things that really aren't that horrible. For instance- this last week I was constantly busy, I mean really, was doing something at every possible moment of the day whether it be rehearsal, class, homework, work, auditions, practicing, trying to fits in meals :/ and I complained about it....but it really wasn't that bad. I got everything done, and actually got to spend a lot of time with fun people amidst the chaos. God also gave me tons of energy- I was never super exhausted - even from waking up at 5:30AM for work at 6 and going to sleep at midnight. Also, I find myself being a hypocrite. "Why doesn't anyone do the dishes?" "Why isn't anyone home?" "Why didn't this thing get taken care of?" When I'm not doing the dishes either, I was barely home at all except to sleep, and I didn't take care of things, even when I said I would. SO I'm going to pray that God helps me be more aware of when I'm about to complain.

CHECK (I think...) - I haven't really been paying attention to this- so it must be less? Hopefully?  I definitely see how blessed I am and how little I have to complain about.

9. Along with a lot of these- just become a more selfless person in general. It's not about me, it's about serving God by serving others. What do I gain by serving myself? Nothing.

MEH - This is going to be a continuous battle for the rest of my life, I'm sure.  But I can only pray that by remembering the sacrifice that God has made for me and how much grace He has bestowed upon me- I will show that same love, sacrifice and grace for others.

I love Summer

Summer is my favorite season by far. The warm weather, the pool, playing outside, ice cream, Jazz in June, the freedom from school....  Even though I like school and more importantly the amazing people at school, I guess I like not having to constantly think ahead to the next deadline.

Graduating from college hasn't fully hit me yet. I think it will in the fall when everyone either moves or goes back to school.  I'm slightly afraid of what that will feel like, but hopefully it won't be too hard.

Summer, unfortunately, generates a bit of laziness in me and I forget that I do need to be thinking about the future and what I want to do with my life.... well not necessarily my WHOLE life but at least what to do in these next couple of years.

I'm not going to lie, I thought I would be married by now or at least headed in that direction.  Perhaps because both my mom and sister got married around my age, or perhaps the Midwest in general tends to get married young, or perhaps it's the large amount of friends getting married around me.  Although I've been overwhelmingly excited for all of my friends' engagements and weddings, I'm jealous.  And it's especially hard in the summer when I don't have 1 million other things occupying my mind.  I know I can't live life like that.  Just waiting. What do I gain from that?  I need to live my life for God! Serving Him with the talents He has given me.  He's the only one that can truly satisfy me.  I fall into the trap of thinking that getting married will solve everything and make my life better, but if I get married he will just be another human that falls short, just like me.  Marriage isn't selfish, it's not about fulfilling my needs.

I also have to remember and be beyond thankful for my amazing friends and family that God has blessed me with, I'm no where near alone.  "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." (Psalm 105:4) Then , and ONLY then, will I be completely satisfied.


Also here's an article my friend posted about marriage.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/27749-you-never-marry-the-right-person

Pet Peeve

Here's the deal. I 'm starting to get reeeaally annoyed by people using their phones and computers while in the presence of other human beings. It is my #1 pet peeve when I am hanging out with someone or even a group of people and all of a sudden everyone is on their phone- texting, playing games, checking their facebook, looking on the internet and who knows what else. I find it offensive, because I start to think, wow, am I that boring that you can't put away your phone for 15 minutes and have a conversation with me? Why is it so hard for people to enjoy the people they are around- don't they know they're missing out on life? I'm not saying I'm perfect, I know I'm guilty of this as well, but I like to think I'm slightly less guilty, especially since I don't own an iphone or any kind of smart phone. Bah! I just wanted to get that off my chest. Challenge for everyone (including myself) PUT AWAY YOUR TECHNOLOGY AND TAKE PART IN LIFE AROUND YOU! :)

Procrastination

This should be another goal. I am a horrible procrastinator. Some how I manage to get things done on time, but I always wait till the last possible moment to do them. Take for instance at this very moment I have been sitting at work for almost 5 hours and I have not touched any of my homework. Nor did I touch my homework in the past 4 days.. Why is this a thing?

Well I don't regret not thinking about school while in Wisconsin with the University Singers to sing at ACDA. It was soo absolutely wonderful to get away for 3 days and hang out with my beautiful friends and sing gorgeous music in amazing places. (Like all those adjectives?) So many awesome memories were made.

In other news, I got accepted to CU for Grad school so that's pretty cool. We will see if they can afford me :)

The art of losing myself

Ok I will try not to tell you how bad I am at blogging every time I update...but really, I'm bad at updating. Either I feel I don't have anything worth writing, or what I want to write would take time. Oh, first world problems...

I never explained the name of this blog- Inside Out. It comes from one of my favorite Christian songs called From the Inside Out by Hillsong United. During my first summer working at Timberlake Ranch Camp in '09 this song kind of became my prayer everyday, that God would consume me from the inside out. Here are the lyrics:

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I really love that second verse. That has definitely been my struggle over the last few years. Trusting God's will, not being lazy with my purpose and the talents God has given me, and being completely humble- knowing that none of my gifts are of myself and that everything I do is only because of Him. God has humbled me sooooo many times over the past 4 years, particularly in music. So many times I've had to realize that God has blessed a lot of people with the gift of music (crazy, I know), but the beautiful thing about that is that he will use every single person in a completely different way. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how he'll use me, but I know He has been using me at UNL and will continue to use me. A great verse for humbleness is 1 Peter 5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." And I don't use this as "Oh, I'm going to be humble so that God will lift me up and be better than everyone later" Because there is no way that can be real humility. But when I realize that everything I do is for the glory of God and not constantly comparing myself to other people, it is so much more fulfilling. Because I will always, ALWAYS fall short if I am constantly competing with others. Also the last verse is so true. It is wonderful knowing that I can trust God with my anxiety about my future (career, husband, friends). Of course, it is not always easy letting go of the anxiety, because I feel like I have to be in control. But, holy cow, the peace that comes over me when I really do trust God's will is incredible. And He is so FAITHFUL! Which makes it easier to trust, because I can name countless prayers that he has answered, no matter how big or small. God is good!

Goals

Okay I'm just writing a brief entry because I feel bad for not writing anything for 2 weeks. :/ Here are some of my goals for the year 2012:

1. Biggest goal I decided is to be more generous. I want to remember people on their birthdays and send cards and such- let people know that I'm thinking of them and how much they mean to me. Also giving more back to God. It is hard since I don't have a steady income to know how much to give in church. Last week Brian gave a wonderful message on giving- that giving is supposed to be a sacrifice, and that God blesses us in order that we may bless others. Not the other way around (giving to others, in order to be blessed by God). I need a lot of prayer in this department, to not be greedy.

2. Decide what to do with my life....well this probably won't fully happen this year. Actually I know it won't because my life is constantly changing. But I do know I won't be at UNL next and maybe not even in Lincoln, which will be a HUGE change, considering I have lived here my whole life. I'm also praying that I take this change as an adventure and as a good thing, not as a terrifying thing that will suck. Because it will suck to leave all the amazing friends I have made in college and even my friends from high school. Especially the friends I have had for 8 years. But it is something that just happens as life moves on. And I will make new friends, while I continue to stay in close contact with the old.

3. Growing deeper in love with God- of course this is a constant goal for my life, but I want to be more involved in church and bible studies and not only grow in my personal faith but grow with others, which is something I think I have been lacking for a while. Also READ MY BIBLE DAILY!! Why is this so hard?

4. Get married. just kidding. but seriously. Everyone, li-ter-a-ly everyone else is doing it!

5. Discover different ways to use the gift of music God has given me. Especially within the church, but also in general. As this has been kind of a struggle with the opera I'm in currently. It is a bit hmmm how do I say this? sexual. And although I love to sing opera music, I don't love being apart of something so graphic. It is very conflicting in my mind - Am I deliberately sinning by singing such material and causing the audience's minds to wander to inappropriate things? Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to perform a lead role in a University opera. But, God, why this opera? My director even said himself, "if there is one opera I'm glad I didn't have to act in, it's this one" Referring to the copious amounts of sexual content.

6. Go to Australia and visit my sister, brother-in-law, and two amazing nieces. This doesn't really need an explanation.

7. Get paid to do MUSIC!

8. Complain less. This has come to my attention very recently that I complain quite often about really dumb things. And often about things that really aren't that horrible. For instance- this last week I was constantly busy, I mean really, was doing something at every possible moment of the day whether it be rehearsal, class, homework, work, auditions, practicing, trying to fits in meals :/ and I complained about it....but it really wasn't that bad. I got everything done, and actually got to spend a lot of time with fun people amidst the chaos. God also gave me tons of energy- I was never super exhausted - even from waking up at 5:30AM for work at 6 and going to sleep at midnight. Also, I find myself being a hypocrite. "Why doesn't anyone do the dishes?" "Why isn't anyone home?" "Why didn't this thing get taken care of?" When I'm not doing the dishes either, I was barely home at all except to sleep, and I didn't take care of things, even when I said I would. SO I'm going to pray that God helps me be more aware of when I'm about to complain.

9. Along with a lot of these- just become a more selfless person in general. It's not about me, it's about serving God by serving others. What do I gain by serving myself? Nothing.

So much for brief....