The art of losing myself

Ok I will try not to tell you how bad I am at blogging every time I update...but really, I'm bad at updating. Either I feel I don't have anything worth writing, or what I want to write would take time. Oh, first world problems...

I never explained the name of this blog- Inside Out. It comes from one of my favorite Christian songs called From the Inside Out by Hillsong United. During my first summer working at Timberlake Ranch Camp in '09 this song kind of became my prayer everyday, that God would consume me from the inside out. Here are the lyrics:

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I really love that second verse. That has definitely been my struggle over the last few years. Trusting God's will, not being lazy with my purpose and the talents God has given me, and being completely humble- knowing that none of my gifts are of myself and that everything I do is only because of Him. God has humbled me sooooo many times over the past 4 years, particularly in music. So many times I've had to realize that God has blessed a lot of people with the gift of music (crazy, I know), but the beautiful thing about that is that he will use every single person in a completely different way. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how he'll use me, but I know He has been using me at UNL and will continue to use me. A great verse for humbleness is 1 Peter 5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." And I don't use this as "Oh, I'm going to be humble so that God will lift me up and be better than everyone later" Because there is no way that can be real humility. But when I realize that everything I do is for the glory of God and not constantly comparing myself to other people, it is so much more fulfilling. Because I will always, ALWAYS fall short if I am constantly competing with others. Also the last verse is so true. It is wonderful knowing that I can trust God with my anxiety about my future (career, husband, friends). Of course, it is not always easy letting go of the anxiety, because I feel like I have to be in control. But, holy cow, the peace that comes over me when I really do trust God's will is incredible. And He is so FAITHFUL! Which makes it easier to trust, because I can name countless prayers that he has answered, no matter how big or small. God is good!